On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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