Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
