I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
