STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
