Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
