She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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