I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
