Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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