I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
