what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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