I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
