the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My cat gives me a boner
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
