I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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