Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
