everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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