i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
