like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize