Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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