oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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