i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
