yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
is it fun? or sober?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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