omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
