I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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