Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
