My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
