i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
