is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
