are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
