I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
