based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize