i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
