Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
