If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
