Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
