I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
