I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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