we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
