I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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