i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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