Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
