life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
