Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
