I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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