Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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