You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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