I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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