You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
