We named our party play list daddy issues
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize