Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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