dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
