As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
