I wish my penis had an off switch
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
