Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
