i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
