Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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