I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize