I wish my penis had an off switch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Semen is not good for contacts.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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