Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
