did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
