Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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