Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
