Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
