So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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