I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
