Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I CAN MOONWALK!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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