Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
