I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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