eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
