I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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