remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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