I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize