So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
