it wasn't lemon gatorade
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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