I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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