i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize