Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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