how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
