When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
