I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
