you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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