Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
