i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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