Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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