He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
