Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
