He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
