Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize