Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
