I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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