i think i have herpe
just one?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
