I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
