i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
