Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
