Are we in a gay sports bar?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
