Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's get the cat blown out
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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