just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So vagazzling was a success
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
