quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
