she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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